10 commandments of child rearing
1) You shall not use violence
Never, under no circumstances. The fact that you are stronger does not entitle you to strike. Or do you really want to permanently damage your relationship with your child? Shouting and devaluing is also violence.
2) You shall love your child
Show your child your love. Print them out. How else would it know? Those who feel loved live in a bright world, become strong and cheerful; and love back.
3) You should hug and cuddle your child
Take your child in your arms. Often and again and again, but only if the child wants to. If it cries, just hold it. That's all it takes, and talking doesn't help with a lot of pain anyway.
4) You should actively value your child
Tell your child how great he or she is. Is that not it? Praise it when it has done something well. Criticism is unnecessary; nagging even more so. Praise is an incentive.
5) You should set boundaries
Set clear boundaries. Reasonable limits. Children need them like air to breathe and want to test them. If desired, explain in an age-appropriate way why this is the case now (and reflect on whether this limit is appropriate). Be clear but friendly.
6) You should be a role model
Education is by example. Children learn from what you do. If you do something other than what you say, children will take their cue from your actions and ask uncomfortable questions.
7) You should respect your child
Give your child the respect you expect from them. There is a wonderful being full of possibilities, and it is (still) dependent on you; an independent universe. Isn't this miracle awe-inspiring?
8) You should promote independence
Your child has its own ideas, its own mind and its own rhythm. It does some things differently than you think it should. Like so many other people. Much can only be learned from experience and there are many ways to reach the goal. Encourage them to try out new things for themselves. But be there wholeheartedly when you are needed.
9) You shall guide your child
Provide guidance if desired, but do not impose. Show your child how to do it, but don't take the task away from them. Or do you know everything? Things could be different.
10) You should have trust and understanding
Trust yourself and your child. If something goes wrong, you can apologize and the relationship will remain intact. Try to understand what motivates your child, but remain calm if you still don't understand their point of view.
Walter Hermann
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